Gym Etiquette 101
You either perceive the gym as an illustrious sanctuary or a demonic torture chamber But so much of the gym experience consists of your fellow members’ allegiance to the unwritten rules prescribed by basic gym etiquette. The gym caters to many varieties of gym goers with variegated levels of fitness experience.
Whether you’re a seasoned fitness expert or a sweatband-clad fledgling, there’s always a lingering need to learn or review the rules of conduct for appropriate gym use; you don’t want to be that guy at the gym do you?
Being the douchiest douche at the gym is no badge of honor.
Douchey McDoucherson—and yes there’s one or several at every gym in America — is as conspicuous as Richard Simmons gleefully prancing through a Muslim prayer hour. He’s the type of guy that fist pumps at a honky-tonk bar, the guy so lost in a fog of egocentric delusion and careless oblivion that he thrashes through that gym like a demolition derby. He pays no deference to others(aside from the hot babes), borders on a slight case of Asperger’s, and yep, you better believe his Insane Clown Posse torture music is on full blast.
Douchy McDoucherson breaks all the rules, and not in a “a wild thing you make my heart sing” kind of way. Put simply, he”s an entitled shithead with major self-confidence issues, no respect for others, and an unwavering desire to achieve “ultramasculine” heavy-lifting feats for all to see; the only thing we care about, however, is for you to hopefully take a hike and quit being such a nuisance. In pursuit of inflated muscles, you’ve depleted every tinge of humanity once residing in your persona, making your Roid-addled Tazmanian Devil-like charades really very abrasive for everyone. But like the Energizer Bunny he keeps going and going.
Take a note from his bad behavior and learn what you shouldn’t do at the gym.
The 5 Gym No-Nos
Thou Shall Not:
1. Harass others with your vulgar grunt
While you think your unabashed benchpress bellow of a grunt oozes with masculinity, other gym-goers beg to differ. Your innapropriate dumbell theatrics are not only awkward, they’re practically offensive. If we want to hear grunts and moans , we’ll log on to YouPorn within the privacy of our own homes, thank you very much. So cut the dramatic shenanigans, gym cadets, a timid groan will do just fine.
2. Gab on the phone
And while we’re on the topic of uncalled-for noises,leave your extensive, loud, and highly personal phone convos outside the gym. The blatantly fabricated play-by-play retelling of last night’s “bang fest”(let’s get real, we all know you’re full of shit..no decent girl would go home with you)will definitely invoke an unsettling, awkward vibe. Pipe down bro, you’re there to work out, afterall.
3. Treat the gym as a social hour
While it’s great to have gym buds and be friendly with other members, keep the socializing to a minimum. You’re there to enhance your body which takes time and hustle, and so naturally it’s easy to procrastinate at all costs. But it’s not okay to interrupt someone’s climactic sprint for frivolous chit-chat. And a word to the wise, the heard-it-through-the-grapevine gym gossip circuit is infectious and littered with all sorts of personal details about gym goers. It’s best to stay out of it.
4. Overtly flaunt your goodies
Sure, the gym undeniably hosts a flock of fit, hot young adults making it the ultimate (sober) stomping grounds for coquetry. But tame yourself, and keep the showcasing of muscles, boobs, and coats of makeup at bay. And as for you, drooling spectators, have a little self-control and quit with the ceaseless ogling eyes. A stealthy glance is fair game, but if you want to avoid becoming the Gym Creep, learn to practice tunnel vision to the best of your ability
5. Disrespect others’ workouts
Don’t treat the place like it’s your own personal mosh-pit. Be respectful to other members’ workouts: Wipe down the elliptical, benches, and any other gym equipment as a common hygiene courtesy; Put weights, mats, etc back where you got them from.; Be mindful and respect other gym-goers’ workout, making sure you’re not interrupting anyone’s set or hogging up the treadmill during rush hour, post-workday traffic. And there you have it: the top 5 gym no-nos.
This list of what not to do at the gym might seem like commonsense nuggets of wisdom, but you wouldn’t believe how many offenders there are out there.
What are your gym pet-peeves?